Most people recoil at the thought that they might be a victim.
And then go back to fighting for their victimhood.
What Do I Mean by Victim?
If I ask you about something bad that happened—maybe you lost a big game, or you didn’t get the promotion you were expecting—what do you say?
If you instinctively look to your circumstances, or to other people, you are a victim.
If you blame, you are a victim.
You have given up any control that you have over your life.
You are at the mercy of things outside of you.
You have no power.
Does this trigger you?
Most of us, most of the time, take on the role of victim because it is easier than admitting to ourselves that maybe we could have done something differently. That we maybe we could have changed the result. Or that we can change the result in the future.
Two Ways to Live Your Life
The spiritual teacher Michael Beckwith asks, “Is life happening TO you, or BY you?”
In other words, are you a victim? Or do you own your life?
What is the assumption that you start from? The place you come from?
None of us controls everything. Most of us control way less than we think.
Still, it is useful to act as if we do.
To start from the proposition that we are in control.
We see this in champion athletes and coaches. They don’t start with “if the shortstop hadn’t struck out with the bases loaded, we would have won.” Even if that’s true.
Instead, they say something like, “I let the team down today and I have to be better.”
What Does it Mean to Be an Owner?
Ask any founder and you will hear frustration about people not taking ownership.
Of course, when you own the company you own everything that happens within that company.
But a lot of your employees might not. And it can be a lot easier to identify people who are not behaving as owners than people who do.
If you hear ever hear “That’s not my job,” you are not talking to an owner.
Even if it’s not actually that person’s job.
If you hear someone talking about how they could have done more, or how they will do it differently, you might be talking to an owner.
If you hear someone talking about how they will do it differently next time, you might be talking to an owner.
You Can “Take Ownership,” but You Can Also Give It
We’ll talk about a different version of this in a couple weeks, but imagine this—
I can take ownership of what I am responsible for, fully owning the results and my contributions (or lack of them) toward those results.
But as a leader, I can also GIVE ownership.
Not telling someone what to do, but offering them the opportunity to own it for the sake of their own development.
And when you master this, your leadership, and your leaders, will change.