The spiritual teacher Michael Beckwith says that there are four ways that our life can appear to us. I love these distinctions because they parallel lots of technical scholarship on adult development, but they use terms that my clients (and I!) more easily understand.

We all vacillate among each of these four ways, in a given day, even within the span of a few moments.

The four ways are as follows—

Life happens to me.

Life happens by me.

Life happens through me.

Life happens as me.

When we are in “To Me,” life looks like it is out there, determined by our circumstances. We are victims of whatever is happening to us.

When we are in “By Me,” we see that we have options and control. We are no longer victims, and we realize our own power.

When we are in “Through Me,” we begin to connect to something larger than us, such as a greater sense of purpose.

When we have fleeting glimpses of “As Me,” we are in awe and wonder, and realize we are connected to and in everything.

Each of these perspectives has advantages and limits, and I will spend my next few posts writing about them.

Does this resonate with you? How has each one shown up for you, and what have you realized because of it?

When I saw this quote, which turns out to be the title of book, my heart broke.

Because I see so many people stuck. Having a dream, but still playing it safe.

Saying things like, “Once I have this much money,” or “Once the last one gets through college.” Then I will pursue my dream. Then I will figure out what I am really here to do.

But every day you are one day closer to death. Or to not being able to work.

One day closer to leaving your song unsung.

And none of us knows when that day will come. If a worldwide pandemic has not made that clear, I’m not sure what can.

Take one action today toward the pursuit of your dream. Take one step toward getting clarity. Make one phone call. Send one email. Tell one person your secret dream.

Tomorrow, and every day after, repeat, modify, be willing to be surprised.

The universe can be at your beck and call. But you have to tell it what you want first.

And what are we losing out on because of it?

I was having a conversation with a friend here in Colorado whose work has been impacted by COVID 19. He’s been spending a lot of his time simply looking for work. But he got quiet, and I sensed there might be more.

“I’ve had this pipe dream for awhile now,” he said.

I pointed out that we often use the term “pipe dream” as a way for our rational, cautious self to dismiss what our heart really wants.

“Tell me more,” I said.

He proceeded to tell me his perfect plan for a business for his community. A business that would not only bring joy, but that would contribute both during the day and at night.

A business that was not only perfect for his experience, but that I could not imagine anyone else succeeding with.

I pointed out the question that I often ask—

“What have you been preparing for your whole life, without realizing it?”

In that moment, we both choked up a bit. And his idea went from “pipe dream” to mission.

What’s the mission you are afraid to take on? What’s the thing that you are here to bring into the world? And what is the world missing out on because of it?

We need you.

And what would you be free to do if you stopped defending it?

I want to suggest that there is nothing that you think you need to defend that is actually real. That even your own sense of identity is just a series of thoughts that come and go.

This might feel deep, or esoteric, but it turns out to be incredibly useful.

A CEO client of mine and I did an experiment this week. We looked for this identity that we spend so much time defending and making look good.

We tried to find what we call “I.” In our arms, our legs, our heads, in whatever is looking out of our eyes.

I have a ton of thoughts about this thing I call Jeff, that I assume is in charge, that I want to succeed.

But when I stop and look for “Jeff,” I can’t find him anywhere.

If that sounds ridiculous, try it for yourself.

Why does this matter?

When we get out of our own way, what we do seems to have both more ease and more purpose.

When we can’t find the entity we think is running the show, we spend less time worrying about and defending that entity.

And yet the show seems to go on, even better than before, as a deeper purpose emerges.

What have you been defending? What could you get done if you realized it isn’t real?