I was talking with one of my clients today and I asked her if she is working Monday (two days before Christmas).
She is. There is too much to do, she said. She couldn’t let others down. The mission of the organization she leads is simply too important. I asked her when the last time was she had taken even one full day off from work.
She could not remember.
Separately, she told me about a board meeting where she had lost her patience. She had been working since 6:00 am, and the board meeting was on Zoom at 7:00 pm.
I asked if maybe her long day was related to her loss of patience.
I asked if that was the highest level of service she could give to her board.
I asked her if taking care of herself was her first priority, or something to fit in after taking care of everyone else first.
And I asked her, finally, how that was impacting her leadership.
Put On Your Own Mask First
I’m sure you have heard the flight attendant tell you that if you are traveling with a small child and the oxygen masks drop down, you should put your own mask on before you put your child’s on.
And if you are like me, you have recoiled at that thought. How could you think of yourself before your child?
I notice I routinely do things like this in many areas of my life.
If I have time off scheduled and something comes up for a client, I will drop everything for that client.
If I’m on vacation I will make sure I am not far away from my phone and my email.
If something is going on with one of my kids, again, I will drop everything.
But my own coach got me to look at that a different way.
Being Your Best Self for Others
When I lose my temper with my kids or my wife, for example, nine times out of ten (probably more) I can point to some way that I’ve not been taking care of myself.
I haven’t worked out for a few days.
I had a drink last night or ate a big meal and didn’t sleep well.
I was distracted by something “more important.”
I was frustrated “they weren’t listening to me.”
But when I’m fully resourced, I can be present. I can fully listen. And in that space, things seem a lot easier. So easy, in fact, that I forget all the self care that was necessary to get there.
The Importance of the Taper
If you’ve ever trained for a big endurance event like a marathon, you know that in the last week or two the best thing that you can do to step back from your training.
In recovering from your long runs, for example, your body will get stronger and healthier if you do very little in the days leading up to the race. This “taper” means you will be more rested and ready on the day of the event than if you were training (and trying to improve) till the last minute.
In our culture of always having to work and fitting in as much activity as possible, this can be counterintuitive.
This finally started to sink in for me when I heard LeBron James say that he tries to get at least 10 hours of sleep a day, including a nap every afternoon, including, without fail, the day of a game.
Tapering for 2025
Today is December 18. You have two weeks to taper until the beginning of 2025.
How can you stop pushing?
How can you step back?
How can you even take a nap?
What will you make available for yourself if you make that room in the next couple of weeks?
I wish you a happy holiday season and a 2025 that is your best yet.
(And yes, I am taking a break from this newsletter. See you in the New Year!)
#founder #takingabreak #restandrecover