We all have areas of our lives which we must claim as our domain.

Perhaps it is within relationships or our families. Perhaps within our companies.

Areas in which we are, in which we must be, in charge.

And yet I find so many people resist this.

As a pleaser from way back, I am especially sensitive to how people instinctively give up their power. In fact, I just spent a good thirty minutes talking with a client about this yesterday—about how his fear of upsetting people was preventing his company from reaching its potential.

This fear went back to very specific memories in childhood. In ways he had not considered but made perfect sense when he saw them.

So much of my own recent journey has been about reclaiming boundaries, both for myself and others. So much so that it seemed like a revelation when I saw I could simply state what I wanted, to create the boundaries that I needed, without fear of how another person might take it.

I now care for my mother, my wife, my children, and my clients in ways that were simply not possible a few months ago. Not only nurturing them but supporting and inspiring them as well.

It seems like most people have a tendency in this area. They over express as tyrant, or they under express by abdicating their throne.

Which are you? If you have a fear of being the tyrant, the chance is that more often than not your are actually abdicating your throne rather than claiming it.

Likewise, if you have a fear of being seen as a wimp, you are much more likely to show up as a tyrant.

People suffer when you do not claim this energy in a healthy way.

Where do you see suffering in your domain? And how would showing up in a more grounded, present way to claim your throne make things better for everyone?

Most of the people I coach have already been tremendously successful. They might have goals, but there is a goal behind the goal. A reason they work so hard.

Happiness, satisfaction, fulfillment.

Generally, they think there is something missing, that there is some way in which they are fundamentally flawed. And there that there is some external achievement they can get that will convince themselves and the world that they are actually ok.

That finally, they are enough.

At some point, though, they see that external business success does not lead to any of those things. They see that they have been looking outward for too long. Falling for the cultural truth that happiness comes from results.

Most people know this isn’t true, but cling to it because they don’t see any alternative.

My work is to show you that alternative and enable you to live from it.

I start by showing you that the universe is entirely within you.

When you see that there is nothing outside of you, it is inescapable than any work you do is inner work. There is only inner work. When you see that you are not the world you have created, but the infinite potential creating that world, what you do with that potential changes. You see that you don’t need anything to be whole. You are already whole. You are already everything.

With nothing it, creating gets a lot more fun. And, not surprisingly, brings a lot better results.

The doing comes from the being. It can be no other way.

If you don’t like what you are creating, or if it looks like someone else is creating it (they aren’t), it might be time to look inward.

Which is really the only place you can ever look.

“Hope” is perhaps the most disempowering word in the English language.

What do you mean when you say “hope”?

As in, I hope 2023 will be different. I hope we can finally get past our struggles! I hope we can have record sales! Maybe it can be our biggest year ever. Maybe I can get that bigger job. I sure hope so!

When I hear “hope” in sentences like this, I hear two things—

First, you are at least (somewhat) open to things changing.

Second, you are not open at ALL to YOU changing to change them. In fact, when I hear “hope” I hear a complete abdication of effort and commitment.

Don’t hope things will change. Commit to changing them. Are you in full control of that change? No. But what will serve you better—doing everything that it is in your power to do, including creating and coming from a more powerful sense of being? Or hoping that somehow things will change on their own with absolutely nothing required from you?

This is why I say “hope” is bullshit.

Instead, EXPECT things to change. FEEL that they have already changed. DO what is needed to change them, including changing your own relationship to them. SEE the change as inevitable and it will BE inevitable (or certainly much more inevitable than “hoping” for it).

Win or lose, put everything out there. See what you create in the process. See what you learn about your own power, too.

I was working with a founder who has having a problem with the CFO he had just hired. And he noticed that he had certain expectations of her, based on how he was creating her moment to moment.

He was expecting her to be difficult. And therefore, everything she did came through the filter of that expectation, and emerged through that filter as difficulty.

I’ve found this to be true universally. Even for my own mother.

We instantly create people a certain way. It’s so fast that we don’t see ourselves doing it.

And then we treat what we have created, the entity living in our heads, as real and solid.

My client creates his CFO as combative and she shows up as combative.

Another client creates his boss as abusive and he shows up as abusive.

I treat my mother as fearful and she shows up as fearful.

We even create ourselves in a particular way, and defend it as if it is solid! As if there was a solid thing called an introvert, or a procrastinator, set in stone!

We say we want things to be different, but then over and over we create them in the same way. The way that keeps us small, the way that keeps us in something that looks like safety but is actually victimhood.

Typically, it’s related to the way we created ourselves in our childhood to keep ourselves safe. It’s innocent, and at the time, it worked amazingly well.

Forty or fifty years later, we are still creating, well beyond its usefulness.

We are creating it all, even our own apparent helplessness!

Your experience of the world is 100 percent internal, 100 percent of time.

And therefore, 100 percent created, consciously or innocently, by you.

When you see that, your world will change.

And it will change as much as you are ready for it to.

When you finally see that it is you creating your life and everyone in it, what will you create?