A founder I’ve been in conversation over the last few months sent me an email last week explaining why we hadn’t been able to talk.

“I am so overwhelmed with work I don’t have time to do anything except work. It’s not a good situation but we are slammed and it’s all hands on deck.”

This isn’t an isolated case. Another founder once shared that he makes around 300 decisions a day, with his team relying on him for everything. Many of the people I work with push themselves to exhaustion, neglect relationships, and even develop health issues.

Does that resonate?

It doesn’t have to be that way.

The Cost of Overwhelm

The first step is acknowledging the cost of this constant state of overwhelm. Founders and leaders often find themselves in a vicious cycle of decision-making and fire-fighting, leaving little room for strategic thinking or personal well-being. This not only affects their health but also impacts the overall performance and growth of their organizations.

Change is Possible

Here are few true stories from my coaching experience.

The Sales Leader

About four years ago, I coached a sales leader responsible for a significant portion of sales in a multi-billion dollar organization. She was working 60-70 hour weeks and felt perpetually overwhelmed. Within a few months, she cut her workload by 20 to 30 hours a week. This reduction in hours allowed her to focus on creating her next career move within the organization.

She created a new function in the organization with her as the leader. She happily sits in that role today.

The Founder

A founder I coached in 2023 was able to step back from daily operations, entrusting his team with these responsibilities. This transition enabled him to focus on strategic growth, eventually leading to his company being acquired. Now, he is focused on being the heir apparent to the CEO role of the combined organization. And he has reunited with his wife in the process.

The Company Owner

One company owner I have been talking with, after struggling for years, today has virtually no day-to-day decision-making duties. His team handles operations, and the business is thriving more than he ever imagined. He has achieved both financial success and personal freedom.

I’m now working with him on what he wants to create next. I asked him how he got where he is today and it came down to one simple belief.

The Key Differences

So, what sets these successful transformations apart from those stuck in the overwhelm?

Every one of them was different. But in every case, the leader was able to let go of things that at first looked mandatory.

It was that letting go that led to massive and easy change.

Let’s Talk

Does this resonate?

I’m doing a research project on founders and their expectations around exits—how they will get there and what they will get from them.

If you are a founder within three years of an anticipated exit, respond “Talk,” to set up an interview.

As thanks I will share the results in a virtual event on September 17, in which I will also moderate a panel of founders and advisors who have had dozens of exits among them.

You will be in a virtual room filled with people just like you, and get a chance to have questions answered by people who have been there.

“Things” Don’t Settle Down. You Do.

You don’t have to be consumed by work 24/7. But most people have a hard time letting go on their own. And the things they try—time management, productivity hacks—just tend to make the problem worse.

There is another way.

When you’re ready, let’s talk.

#exit #founder #founders #overwhelm

 

As a founder coach, I think about leadership and leadership styles a lot. One thing I often notice is how leaders, especially those heading companies, can gradually compromise their values in pursuit of higher goals. They might start as Ted Lasso, but more and more they end up like Walter White.

It’s easy to look at Ted Lasso, the incredibly hopeful, optimistic (maybe even naive) American leader of a British soccer club, and Walter White, the drug lord from Breaking Bad, as opposites. But reducing them to “Ted good, Walter bad” misses a crucial point. Their journeys and processes offer deeper insights.

Ted Lasso: Process Over Outcome

Ted Lasso’s leadership revolves around creating and nurturing a process. He emphasizes emotional, technical, and other forms of support, focusing on helping individuals be their best selves. Winning is not his main goal; it’s a happy side effect of a supportive environment and personal development. His influence is profoundly positive, fostering a great team and work atmosphere.

Ted’s philosophy is centered on the belief that a strong, supportive process leads to success. By prioritizing the well-being and growth of his team members, he creates an environment where everyone thrives. This, in turn, results in a successful soccer team and a fulfilling workplace. Ted’s leadership style highlights the importance of process, community, and personal development over mere outcomes. He doesn’t sacrifice his values for his goals—instead he creates an environment where both are supported.

Walter White: The Cost of the End Justifying the Means

Walter White, on the other hand, claims at every step of the way that his goal is to provide for his family. However, each choice he makes to maximize money for his family pulls him deeper into the drug trade. He equates leaving a large sum of money with providing for his family, but in the process, he destroys his relationships and, ultimately, his soul. His focus on the end goal of money leads him to sacrifice everything he truly values.

Walter’s journey is a cautionary tale about the dangers of prioritizing end goals over values and relationships. His initial intention to secure his family’s future becomes overshadowed by his descent into moral compromise and criminal activity. Breaking Bad is a brilliant and powerful reminder of the consequences of losing sight of one’s core values in the pursuit of success.

Real-Life Insights: Leading with Heart

I don’t know many real-life Walter Whites, but I do encounter people who mistakenly prioritize money, believing it will bring them what they want. This slow descent happens one decision at a time, and founders often end up compromising their true desires in the pursuit of financial gain.

One more weekend at work, one more trip that means you miss your child’s game or recital. Before long, your family no longer cares about your “sacrifices” for them. They’re just sad you never seem to want to spend time with them.

I spoke with a successful founder recently and asked him how he managed to avoid becoming consumed by his business empire. His response was enlightening: “The money is a side effect of doing the right thing.” This founder genuinely loves his team, suppliers, and customers, emphasizing that a happy, purposeful, joy-filled life naturally attracts financial success. You don’t need a big exit to fix everything when everything is already aligned and fulfilling.

Creating a Purposeful Leadership Journey

Does this resonate with you?

I’m hosting an invitation-only virtual roundtable on September 17th for founders to explore the concept of “the exit” and what lies beyond it. If you’re within two to three years of an exit, I’d love to invite you to join a small group of us live. Let’s discuss how to create a meaningful founder journey where financial success is a byproduct, not the end goal.

Reach out if this speaks to you

This week, I want to talk about a powerful concept that can transform your personal and professional life: being unapologetic. This doesn’t mean being a jerk or refusing to apologize when you’re wrong. Instead, it’s about being unapologetically you—embracing who you are, your strengths, your weaknesses, and everything in between.

Embrace Your Strengths

Each of us has a unique set of skills and talents, what Gay Hendricks calls your “zone of genius.” These are the things you excel at naturally, the tasks that come easily to you and that you genuinely enjoy. It’s essential to own these strengths without hesitation or downplaying them. When someone says, “How do you do that so effortlessly?” own it. Acknowledge your talents and be comfortable declaring, “I’m really good at this.”

Acknowledge Your Weaknesses

Being unapologetic also means recognizing and accepting your weaknesses. We all have areas where we struggle, and that’s perfectly okay. Admit when you need help and seek assistance without shame. Whether it’s hiring someone to fill in the gaps or asking for support from colleagues, acknowledging your weaknesses is a sign of strength. It shows you are self-aware and committed to growth.

The Benefits of Being Unapologetically You

1. Authenticity: Embracing both your strengths and weaknesses allows you to be your true self. This authenticity fosters trust and respect from those around you.
2. Confidence: When you own your abilities and are honest about your limitations, you build genuine confidence. This confidence can inspire and lead others effectively.
3. Resilience: By accepting your full self, you become more resilient. You are better prepared to handle challenges and setbacks because you are not pretending to be someone you’re not.
4. Collaborative Success: Acknowledging that you need help in certain areas encourages collaboration. It allows you to build a team where everyone’s strengths complement each other, leading to greater success.

How to Be Unapologetic

• Self-Reflection: Take time to understand your strengths and weaknesses. Reflect on what you do well and where you need support.
• Declaration: Be vocal about your skills. Don’t shy away from celebrating your successes and contributions.
• Seek Help: Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Whether it’s hiring someone for tasks that aren’t your forte or collaborating with a colleague, seeking assistance is crucial.
• Continuous Learning: Always strive to learn and improve. Recognize that weaknesses are opportunities for growth.

Conclusion

Being unapologetic about who you are—embracing your strengths and acknowledging your weaknesses—can lead to a more fulfilling and successful life. It brings a sense of ease and authenticity that can transform your personal and professional relationships.

So, the next time you think about your strengths and weaknesses, remember to be unapologetically you. Embrace your brilliance and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your life and work will be richer for it.

How has being unapologetically you impacted your journey?

I was first exposed to the concept of expectations versus agreements by Coach Steve Chandler.

Even though that was years ago, I find myself revisiting it over and over. In fact, I just got off a call where I spend about half the time talking about this with a client business owner.

It’s a distinction I’ve seen enable dramatic shifts for leaders across all aspects of their lives.

It’s a distinction I try to remind myself of daily.

The Trap of Expectations

We all go through life with expectations—of how others should behave, how a direct report should perform, how a client or customer should show up, and even how board members and investors should act. Most of these expectations remain unclear and unstated, leading to frustration and defensiveness.

Consider this scenario: a leader feels powerful by setting expectations and expresses disappointment when they aren’t met. The recipient, however, often has no idea what the expectations were because they were never clearly communicated. Or they feel like the expectations were unrealistic but they had no ability to challenge them or even have a discussion.

Have you ever been on the receiving end of expectations where someone said, “You should have known,” or “You haven’t met my expectations”? The first impulse is often to defend oneself, to argue that you were unaware of what was being asked. Both parties end up in a cycle of frustrated and defensiveness.

Expectations are a curse. If someone meets your expectations, they merely meet the baseline; if they don’t, you’re left disappointed. It’s a no-win situation, which ultimately hampers productivity and morale.

The Magic of Agreements

An agreement involves a two-way conversation, where both parties have input and buy-in. Unlike unstated or imposed expectations, agreements require mutual understanding and commitment. Agreements are like a magical superpower for engagement and satisfaction.

Imagine this: you have a goal for your sales team. Instead of imposing this target, you discuss it with your team. “Do you agree this is an appropriate goal for the quarter?” If the team leader needs additional resources to meet this goal, you discuss and provide them. This way, everyone is on the same page, and there is a shared commitment to the goal.

An agreement is a dialogue. For example, if Sue says she needs another salesperson to achieve the goal, you consider and provide the necessary resources (or adjust the goal). This transforms the interaction from a top-down directive to a true conversation. The goal is now a mutual commitment rather than an imposed expectation.

Agreements transform defensiveness into collaboration. When people have input and agree on the goals and deliverables, they are more motivated to achieve them. This approach doesn’t just remake your business; it can significantly improve personal relationships too.

Real-Life Impact

Reflecting on my own life, I’ve noticed that issues in my relationships (yes, including my wife) have often stemmed from unspoken expectations rather than explicit agreements. When both parties are clear about their commitments and have agreed upon them, the relationship thrives. When expectations are allowed to fester, everyone is frustrated. This principle applies to professional relationships as well. Clear agreements prevent misunderstandings and foster a cooperative environment.

In professional settings, agreements can reshape team dynamics. When team members know what is expected and have agreed to their roles and responsibilities, they are more likely to take ownership of their tasks. This leads to higher accountability and better performance.

Shifting from Expectations to Agreements

The shift from expectations to agreements requires a conscious effort to communicate clearly and involve all parties in the decision-making process. Here are some steps to facilitate this shift:

1. Initiate Open Conversations: Start with a dialogue about goals and expectations. Make sure everyone has a voice and can express their needs and concerns.
2. Clarify Roles and Responsibilities: Ensure that everyone understands their role and what is expected of them. This includes defining specific deliverables and timelines.
3. Provide Necessary Resources: If someone needs additional resources to meet an agreement, provide them. This shows your commitment to their success and reinforces the agreement.
4. Regular Check-Ins: Hold regular check-ins to monitor progress and address any issues that arise. This keeps everyone aligned and accountable.
5. Celebrate Successes: When agreements are met, celebrate the success. This reinforces the positive impact of working collaboratively and meeting commitments.

Conclusion

Shifting from expectations to agreements can transform your leadership, enhance your business outcomes, and shift your personal relationships as well. Embrace the magic of agreements and watch everything change for the better. As a leader, moving away from the curse of expectations and towards the magic of agreements can be a game-changer.

Improved results with less stress for everyone. What could be better?

How have agreements versus expectations played a role in your leadership journey?