“I want to sell my company so that…”

“I want the promotion so that…”

“I want to change my career so that…”

How do you fill in the “so that”?

The end goal is very similar from person to person.

It’s something like “a more enjoyable experience of life.”

We work hard, we suffer now for the promise of ease and joy and love later.

But has it ever worked?

I find that meeting a goal generally leads to a momentary sense of all of those things. But then the next thing shows up.

We think it’s the meeting of the goal that gives the ease and joy and love.

But it was really the momentary pause in our thinking. Our striving.

In that pause, we see how amazing life is.

And sometimes, if we are lucky, life shows us another possibility.

Not just 10 percent more of what we just did. But something totally new.

When that shows up, you begin to see that life is much better at creating your goals than you ever were.

And there is awe in this.

I can tell you this from my own experience. This awe is available anytime. It’s actually your default state. The universe operating through you. As you.

And the universe has bigger ideas for you than you ever did.

Living in the surprise of that IS the more enjoyable experience of life that you thought you were looking for. In fact, it’s way, way better.

And it is always, already here.

I just got an invitation to an event where the speaker had “reverse engineered success.”

This is a common theme that I see. Tim Ferriss has built a whole business around it.

There’s only one problem.

It doesn’t work.

Because it looks at the strategies and tactics and ignores the most critical piece. The doer, the implementer of those strategies and tactics.

You.

It’s as if you read some advice that all you really needed to reach your goal was to drive a particular road.

And yet that road was only accessible by Jeep and you were driving a Camry.

I don’t mean this to read that you aren’t good enough to implement the strategy. It works the other way, too. Jeeps tend to be pretty uncomfortable on the highway, and Camrys excel there.

The thing that these approaches ignore is critical—that strategy and tactics emerge from who you are. Not the other way around.

“Leadership,” says one of my coaches, “is about where you come from, not what you do.”

What is your authentic strategy? What is your come from?

Do that, keep doing that, and you will keep learning. You will keep making progress. And you will reach your destination so much faster than if you take someone else’s road.

I can’t tell you how many times I have said this as a coach.

To the person wanting to take their company a different direction.

To the person hesitating about firing one of their top people.

To the person wanting to go for the promotion.

And also, to the person wanting to turn down a promotion.

So many times, we let fear get in the way of doing what we know we really want. What we know is true in our heart, to our higher self.

Why is this?

Why do we assume that the thoughts we have when we are afraid are the “real” thoughts? And that the other ones are the unrealistic ones?

We all have access to an innate, deeper wisdom. I’m guessing if you examine your best decisions, your most monumental forks in the road, there was a part of you that “just knew,” in a quiet moment, what the right direction was.

Did you listen? Or did you let fear, with its logic and rationalizations, convince you to take the more conventional, “safer” path?

Inaction is not safety. Inaction is just fear showing up as the freeze response.

When you are calm, when you are present, what does your inner wisdom tell you to do?

Do that. And wait for the next step to be revealed.

I’ve come across three kinds of groups over the years. The first two are common. The third is less so, yet often more powerful.

CONTENT-BASED GROUPS

The first kind of group gathers to learn a topic or curriculum. Vistage is a great example of this, as are most classrooms. The purpose is the content itself.

CONNECTION-BASED GROUPS

My experience of YPO falls into this. So does AA, and some networking groups. Getting together with similar people to connect on a human level. For these groups, relationships are the primary purpose.

COMMUNION-BASED GROUPS

Communion is not a word that we tend to use outside of religion or spirituality. But what I’m talking about is a group that points to silence. Space, rather than content, is what’s encouraged. The container and leader allow us to more easily get in touch with our own deeper wisdom. Communion-based groups are rare in business, yet incredibly powerful.

All kinds of groups can be helpful.

But I find many leaders think they need content or connection, when they most need communion.

What kind of group would be most helpful for the challenge you’re currently facing?

And what insight might help you face it differently?