I was talking to one of my CEO clients, who, when we started working together, was constantly stressed.
I’ve written about him before. He used to talk about himself like a car engine, describing where he was in RPMs.
While he could see the theoretical benefits of cruising along at 2000 RPMs, he felt like he needed to be running at 10,000 RPMs. And if that was a “red line,” where he might burn out, he’d try for 9,999.
But now he runs at 2000 most of the time. Or even lower.
What changed?
When my clients really see what I have to show them, most of them instantly, without prodding or reminders from me, slow down.
Because they see that they are spending most of their time creating plans for things that don’t exist and that they don’t control.
For me, the first time I caught it was at 4 am. It was such a strong habit, waking up, thinking about what I would do if the worst case scenario happened, or thinking about the interview that I had the next day, or any one of 100 other things. Sometimes, I would be awake for a couple of hours.
It was a habit that I picked up from my parents, and somehow it seemed useful.
For about 55 years.
Until I saw that I was just making things up and then being scared of them.
Until I saw that almost always, none of the contingencies that I was planning for ever happened.
What actually happened was always something different, whether in my business or in a difficult conversation. And yet, in the moment, I always figured out what to do. I had the capacity to respond, to create even, in the moment.
As soon as I saw that I had that ability, the middle of the night worrying almost completely vanished.
This is what my client was now telling me. He has all this extra time now that he sees he was just scared of his thinking, not of anything that was actually happening. He would try to cover over the bad thinking with good thinking (called “planning”), instead of seeing that he had made up the bad thinking in the first place.
You are never feeling your circumstances. You are only feeling your thinking.
Feeling good and having extra time is one of the main side effects of seeing this for yourself.
And boredom is just another word for waiting for what’s next.
I’ve written about him before. He used to talk about himself like a car engine, describing where he was in RPMs.
While he could see the theoretical benefits of cruising along at 2000 RPMs, he felt like he needed to be running at 10,000 RPMs. And if that was a “red line,” where he might burn out, he’d try for 9,999.
But now he runs at 2000 most of the time. Or even lower.
What changed?
When my clients really see what I have to show them, most of them instantly, without prodding or reminders from me, slow down.
Because they see that they are spending most of their time creating plans for things that don’t exist and that they don’t control.
For me, the first time I caught it was at 4 am. It was such a strong habit, waking up, thinking about what I would do if the worst case scenario happened, or thinking about the interview that I had the next day, or any one of 100 other things. Sometimes, I would be awake for a couple of hours.
It was a habit that I picked up from my parents, and somehow it seemed useful.
For about 55 years.
Until I saw that I was just making things up and then being scared of them.
Until I saw that almost always, none of the contingencies that I was planning for ever happened.
What actually happened was always something different, whether in my business or in a difficult conversation. And yet, in the moment, I always figured out what to do. I had the capacity to respond, to create even, in the moment.
As soon as I saw that I had that ability, the middle of the night worrying almost completely vanished.
This is what my client was now telling me. He has all this extra time now that he sees he was just scared of his thinking, not of anything that was actually happening. He would try to cover over the bad thinking with good thinking (called “planning”), instead of seeing that he had made up the bad thinking in the first place.
You are never feeling your circumstances. You are only feeling your thinking.
Feeling good and having extra time is one of the main side effects of seeing this for yourself.
And boredom is just another word for waiting for what’s next.
What do you make up to be scared of?
What would seeing that free up for you?