This weekend I finally watched “The Brutalist.”

Among other things, the movie is about an architect who sacrifices a great deal for the sake of his vision. And one of the points that the movie seems to make, to even revel in, is that suffering is necessary for excellence.

That suffering should be celebrated.

That brilliance emerges from trauma.

I don’t buy it.

Not that it doesn’t happen. Nearly all my overachieving clients have some form of it. A deep need to achieve in the world, if only to show to themselves that they actually are enough.

I, too, suffered with this idea. For decades.

The Problems with Self-Brutality

Brutalism is a twentieth century school of architecture, but the word and term work on several levels in the movie.

The lead character, architect László Tóth, both experiences and delivers brutality, as does his patron, industrialist Harrison Lee Van Buren.

“The Brutalist” can be a tough watch, and it has an often brutal view on the suffering that it proposes is necessary to achieve.

But I want to challenge this view, from several perspectives.

It’s Hard to Turn Off

When achieving in a brutalist way, there is no level of achievement that relieves the hatred, whether of self or other. In fact, I have had founders tell me that they are afraid to let go of it, lest they “lose their edge.”

I’ve seen another founder whose work I admire, Anastasia Koroleva, talk about the “chip on your shoulder” phenomenon, the continued and ongoing desire to prove oneself, even after one has sold multiple companies

Tom Brady, Patrick Mahomes, and Michael Jordan are great examples of this in the sports world. But the problem with never being satisfied is that you end up never satisfied. If you’re an athlete, even at Brady’s late retirement age of 45, that leaves decades of self-dug holes to fill.

While each Super Bowl can bring a moment of satisfaction, it will never get these athletes what they actually need.

Because it starts from a premise that isn’t true.

It Starts from a Faulty Premise

Every one of these overachievers, including the fictional Tóth, experienced something that taught them that they were not enough.

Every founder that I have worked with has had some version of it.

And it has brought them everything they have gotten in their lives. The desire to prove themselves, to show the world (and more importantly, themselves), that they are enough.

To silence the voices in their heads telling them otherwise.

What they don’t see is that they have always been powerful. So powerful that they created voices in their head that they believed. They created an illusion of insufficiency that they have spent their whole lives trying to overcome, when instead, they could see through it.

It Works (but not as Well as Something Else)

If you are convinced that you are not enough, doing more and more can work for a while.

You will do things that others will give you a lot of attention for, like getting good grades or winning a championship or selling your company.

It can feel really good. At first.

With each goal achieved, there is a temporary satisfaction, but the underlying problem, the not-enoughness, remains. In fact, founders can actively seek out the next slight, the next version of someone else thinking they are not enough, the next thing they need to prove to the world.

There is no end to that path, no matter how much the founder achieves.

Adding a zero to the next exit will not make you any happier until you actually see how you are keeping yourself from that happiness.

What Actually Works (and it’s Easier than you Think)

I can point you to what works in only a line or two. But for you to get it you have to experience it.

The place where you can embrace both how far you’ve come AND how far you have to go.

Would you like a taste, with a group of other founders who are struggling with the same thing?

Would you like to get a sense of how you can create anything you want without your whole sense of self worth riding on the outcome?

Would you like to learn how easy and joyful creation can be?

I’m restarting my founder calls to explore this, and would love to include you.

DM me to be included.

Jeff

Getting things done, whether as a founder or taking on anything new and different, is a paradox.

On the one hand, you have to have a plan and execute on it.

On the other, you have to be willing to change if things aren’t working.

Strong Opinions, Loosely Held

I’ve seen this phrase attributed to many people. The first person I heard say it, though, was Marc Andreessen, founder of Netscape and VC extraordinaire.

Both parts of the phrase are critical.

You Have to Be Committed

One of my favorite coaches, Townsend Wardlaw, sent an email this week describing what it means to be committed. And it is completely consistent with the way I experienced him when he was my coach.

To paraphrase, commitment is to act and speak in the world as if what you are committed to is already done.

Without necessarily knowing HOW it will be done.

In fact, the bigger the commitment, the more likely it will be that you don’t know how you are going to do it.

Another of my favorite coaches, John Patrick Morgan, put it another way in our work together—

“The strongest commitments are those that you have no idea how you will fulfill.”

If you set a goal that you will grow your business twenty percent this year, you can be pretty sure that’s achievable. In fact, just do twenty percent more of what you have been doing and there’s a very good chance you’ll meet your goal.

But to grow your business twenty times? You probably don’t have a clue.

When you act from commitment, when you say what you are committed to, when you act “as if,” you will find all kinds of things start showing up that you don’t expect, that you might not even understand.

And this is where the second “C” shows up.

And You Have to Remain Curious

If I ask you how to grow your business by twenty times in the coming year, there is no way you can do this by just doing more of what you have been.

You have to think differently. You have to STOP doing a lot of things and START doing some different things.

And most importantly, you have to be WILLING to do this. Which is why most people never do.

What could you do if you were willing to stop doing what has brought you to this point?

What if you stopped working on your most successful product, for example, to bring out a product that was sure to kill it?

If Apple had been concerned about iPod sales it would have never brought out the iPhone. But as Steve Jobs famously said, “If we don’t put ourselves out of business, someone else will.”

What do you see when you’re willing to stop and be curious?

What’s the Risk You Are Called to Take?

Or put another way—

What will you regret not trying?

What’s the risk of continuing to do the same thing, if it means leaving your true song unsung?

An Event That Might be for You

If you’re a founder or business owner wondering what you might see if you stop and get curious, I have an event for you.

On October 20 and 21, a small group of people just like you will gather in Denver, Colorado, to look at big questions like this.

To see what music is wanting to come forth.

To see what might be beyond your financial success.

If you feel called, reach out.

And keep watching for more details here.

When is the last time you took two full days for yourself?

No business responsibilities. No family responsibilities.

Nothing to “do.”

What does that bring up in you when I mention it?

A lot of people panic. The thought of being alone with themselves for that long terrifies them.

A lot people immediately dismiss it as a “waste of time,” saying things like, “I’m way too busy for that right now,” or “Maybe in a few months, when things slow down.

Of course things never slow down because it is YOU who are creating the busyness.

But what if you were in the room with other people just like you—business owners who have gotten to a point where they see that their financial success is not only NOT making them happy, but it might actually be getting in the WAY of their happiness.

And if you are quiet for just a minute, you know if you would benefit from this, or at least would benefit from a conversation about this.

Question One

What is it that you want?

Not what do you want others to think about you.

Not what do others expect from you.

Not what do you think you SHOULD want.

What do you ACTUALLY want? (And even more importantly, WHY do you want it? WHAT do you think having it will give you?)

Or put another way—

What do you WANT when you don’t NEED anything?

Question Two

What is it that is calling you?

When you have had a certain amount of financial success you begin to see that it is not a sustainable source of happiness or fulfillment.

Instead, you begin to live on the hedonic treadmill.

Like a drug addict, you need more and more.

But if you are able to step back, to slow down, you begin to see that all along, something bigger has been operating through you.

That it has been quietly calling you.

That the greatest moments of satisfaction and fulfillment have been the ones where you have listened to that still, small voice.

And that enduring satisfaction is not about external pressure but about internal truth.

Two Days in Denver

On October 20-21, a group of founders and business owners will gather in Denver, Colorado to talk about these two questions.

No “corporate” stuff.

No KPIs.

No strategic plans.

The agenda for these two days is YOU.

What you are afraid to face.

What is getting in your way.

What might be calling you if you are only able to hear.

This event is not for the faint of heart.

But on the other side of this is EVERYTHING YOU ACTUALLY WANT.

Interested?

We are starting the application process now.

We have a five minute video where my co-host Greg Hayne and I talk about the event and who it is right for. Drop a comment if you would like a link and I will message it to you.

And if you have a question, drop it in the comments below or reach out directly.

 

(Now you just need to do it.)

It’s February.

Remember that list of things you were going to take on this year? The new hire, the firing of that person who just wasn’t right for where the company is? The new investor, the new board member?

How’s it going?

If you’re like me (and like a lot of my clients), you resist big decisions, thinking you can figure out exactly how they are going to work out before you make them.

I have bad news for you.

There is No Fork in the Road

So many of the founders that I work with create a narrative that looks something like this—

There is a critical decision to make. There is a “right” path and a “wrong” path. If I study the data enough I can figure out which way to do.

I can figure out the result in advance.

There are two problems with this approach—

You will never think you have enough data, and—

More importantly, there is no “right” path. There is no path at all.

If you think you are following a path, chances are you’re not doing anything very original (or “ground-breaking,” another made-up concept). You’re just doing the same thing that someone else did.

The only path is to try things, see how they work, and adjust. Over and over again.

This is the “path,” and it is deceptively easy until you try it. Which is why the willingness to be a founder, to do something “ground-breaking,” is rare in our culture.

For most people, the fear and uncertainly is just too great.

How do you know what to do?

Notice the Quiet Knowing

Ever hear that voice that says “I knew I should have…”?

How would your life be different if you started following it more? Even if it’s unreasonable? Even if it’s a bit uncomfortable?

That knowing, that sense, came uniquely to you. It is your gift, and it will show up for you just a little bit different than anyone else.

I have said “Desire is a gift from God.” Whether or not those words resonate for you, the truth is that you made every major decision with your gut. I have never met a person who picked their spouse based on a spreadsheet.

You won’t make major business decisions that way, either.

Learn by Taking Action—Quickly

You won’t figure out anything without taking action, and the faster you figure this out the better you will do.

In the startup world, people urge you to “fail fast.”

If that feels too rash, take action when you are about 80 percent certain. And then see what happens and figure out what to do next.

The big secret in all of this is that you will make much faster progress failing over and over than you could ever make trying to succeed the first time.

Thoughts on this?

Drop a comment below.