“I can’t wait to have a day off so I can get some work done.”

I get it.

There is so much to do. So many decisions to make, fires to fight.

And when your people have a day off it means you might finally have some space to make some decisions.

Don’t do it.

The Day Off Trap

You are believing an illusion—the idea that there is a finite amount of work and that if you only had enough time you could do it all.

That if you just use this day off you can “get ahead of things.”

That at some point, things will be less busy.

When was the last time this happened? Between companies? (Maybe?)

Every choice you make creates at least one more choice.

If you want space you have to make space.

If you want things to be less crazy, YOU have to be less crazy.

What Busy Actually Means

Life is just a series of choices arriving in the present moment.

We CREATE it, though, as a master plan that we can (in the words of one of my founder clients) “game theory” through several steps in advance.

But if you really watch, this is what is happening.

A choice appears. You make it. Time passes. Another choice appears. You make it.

All the time in between, processing or figuring things out or planning or strategizing?

Wasted time and energy.

Time and energy that you could be using to step back. To recover. To see the next choice that presents itself.

A Real Day Off!

That is what a REAL day off looks like. A break from all the ruminating (or at least some of it).

Time connecting with family and friends (and not sneaking looks at your phone).

Laughing. Feeling just a little bit less stress for a little bit of time.

You might even find you like it.

Enjoy this holiday weekend. As much as you are able to let yourself. And I promise your world will look different next week.

If you’d like more of that, reach out. I have some ideas for you.

I just got off a conversation with two close friends—both entrepreneurs, both carrying immense responsibilities at work and at home.

We landed on a powerful distinction: the difference between being needy and having needs.

As leaders, as providers, many of us grew up believing that showing neediness is weakness. I know I was taught that my needs were a burden to the other people around me, especially my anxiety-ridden mom. Over time, I didn’t just suppress my neediness—I buried my needs. And those unmet needs? They always managed to come out later. As rage, frustration, avoidance, or worse.

One friend shared how he’s going through a tough time. What he needs is simple: appreciation, reassurance, acknowledgment. But he’s afraid to ask—afraid it’ll make him look weak or needy.

We each had a form of that need for appreciation, for a pat on the back, for the reassurance that even if things look tough right now, they are going to be ok.

It felt amazing to say that to each other, and to have that appreciation reflected back to us. Because each of us could appreciate what the other was going through.

What Have You Been Hiding?

It made me ask myself—and now I ask you:

• As a leader, what needs are you not even aware of?
• How does that show up in your leadership?
• What could you uncover if you allowed yourself to need?
• What would it unlock, in your and your team, if you gave yourself permission to ask for help?

Expressing needs isn’t weakness. It’s a form of courageous leadership that invites connection, clarity, and authenticity.

Your vulnerability is a magnet that gives permission for others to express their needs, their fears.

And it creates a powerful bond that enhances both loyalty and performance. Even if, at first, the person you are vulnerable with is not part of your team.

What Can You Admit?

I’d love to hear your thoughts. What does this bring up in you?

What are you afraid to admit, to yourself and your team?

How do you navigate this line between vulnerability and strength?

#Leadership #EmotionalIntelligence #Vulnerability #ExecutiveCoaching #Authenticity

I was just talking with a prospect about working together.

He had never worked with a coach before, let alone someone like me who does deep transformational work.

I realized that there had to be a way to level set. Before the next conversation. Before we started looking and the unhelpful and untrue stories he was creating about his business and his world.

I sent him an email asking him to commit to reading and considering a few principles that I come from before we talk.

I’ve expanded on that email here in the hopes that it might be helpful for you as well. Whether you’re a founder like him, a leader, or just trying to live your best life.

The World You Live in Is 100 Percent Internal

Humans are not built to experience the world directly. We have sense organs, true, but these only process a tiny percentage (way less than one percent) of the available light and sound and touch and taste information that is available. (Sight, hearing, and our other senses are themselves arbitrary ways to experience the world but that’s a topic for another day).

We take this electromagnetic information and convert it to a model that our bodies can use. The information that we receive prioritizes biological survival and potential threats to it, and of course, reproducing. These are way beyond any personal interests we may have. They go back to the beginning of our species’ existence.

Then, we filter this sense information through the stories that we have been told and believed about the world and ourselves. Stories from our culture, and in particular, influential adults from our childhood.

What stories about the world and yourself are you believing without question?

You Are Creating In Each and Every Moment

Thought creates the world and then says “I didn’t do it.” — David Bohm, Quantum Physicist

Most of the time we try to change the world by trying to change our thoughts about the world. That doesn’t tend to go very well because in doing that we assume that the thoughts are real. Are solid.

But if we see the thoughts are just thoughts—that’s when the magic begins to happen. All those thoughts begin to slow. Your breathing deepens. Your physiology changes. And you begin to literally see and experience a different world.

You Can Choose to Create Differently

Humans create through words. Every word, whether spoken or written (or even thought), is an act of creating in that moment.

Even to say, “the sky is blue,” creates. The concept of “the sky” and “blue” have no independent existence other than when someone speaks of them.

The most powerful leaders in history, whether motivated by love or fear, have been masters at creating themselves, others, and the world around them through their words. Every word they say is a conscious creative act.

When your mind quiets a bit, you can begin to notice your words and how they have limited you. When you see where you have been unconscious, the conscious creating can begin.

Nothing Outside of You Can Make You Happy (or Unhappy)

Most successful people have created companies or careers from the misguided belief that those external things would make them happy.

But if we can never experience anything outside of us, how can those things make us happy?

Only the stories that we believe about those things can make us happy. Or unhappy.

But there is one more thing to see that challenges even that.

Who Are You, Really?

YOU are not your thoughts. Or your bank balance, or job title, or anything else you can say ABOUT you.

YOU are the thinker of those things. The creator of those things. The experiencer of those things. YOU are the capacity to create and love without limitation.

And happiness is in the joy of conscious creation, not in the things that are created.

When you see that, your life changes. Your choices change. Your experience changes.

You see the humor in things, and you see that whether things look good or bad in one particular moment, your thoughts about them change constantly and that those thoughts are no more real than the clouds in the sky.

And seeing that as the witness to your creations, rather than the one whose happiness depends on them, changes everything.

Including what you create.

Our Work Together…

Is to begin the habit of looking at our assumptions about the world. To see what is helpful and what is not. To see what we have been creating and if we want to create something different.

Does this resonate? It can be helpful to get away from the day to day grind to explore this outside of your current habits and routines.

I have two ways of doing this—one-on-one and in a group.

If a part of you knows this is the next step for you, reach out.

Michael came to me in the middle of a transition.

His business had scaled to $20M.

He’d installed new leaders, pulled back from some day-to-day functions, and was starting to breathe again. Then things started to wobble.

Sales felt soft. A $1.5M project evaporated overnight. The team wasn’t moving with urgency.

And suddenly, the space he had fought so hard to create felt unsafe.

So the question became:

Had he let go too soon? Or not soon enough?

At First, He Brought Business Problems to Our Conversations

Hiring.

Estimating software.

Sales accountability.

Cash pressure.

All real, all urgent.

But it didn’t take long for the real work to emerge—because what’s “urgent” in a founder’s world is almost always entangled with something deeper:

A belief.

A fear.

A mental model that once worked—and now doesn’t.

Things Started To Shift, Because He Started to Shift

Michael has gone through several shifts in our work together so far.

Shift #1: From “Problem Solver” to “System Designer”

Michael’s instinct was to jump in and fix things.

If something was behind—jump in.

If someone underperformed—step back in.

If cash got tight—grab the wheel.

But as we worked together, he saw something quietly profound:

“The system is working perfectly… to keep pulling me back in.”

He wasn’t just reacting to problems.

He was reinforcing them.

The way the company operated—its language, habits, bottlenecks—depended on his involvement.

And that system was working exactly as designed.

When he saw that, he could begin to change it.

Shift #2: From “It Has to Be Right” to “We Learn By Doing”

One day, mid-session, we were talking about rolling out a new sales process.

Michael hesitated.

“I just don’t want to roll this out until we’ve got it right.”

He caught himself—his pattern. Then he paused, smiled, and said:

“Wait… so we can actually learn by implementing? That’s wild.”

It sounds simple. But for a founder who’s used to being the expert, it was a major shift.

We’re trained to think that leadership means having the answer.

But what Michael saw was that progress doesn’t come from perfect planning.

It comes from thoughtful implementation—with feedback, iteration, and team buy-in.

So we built the habit:

Build → Implement → Learn → Refine.

That rhythm became his leadership operating system. And he continues to refine it today.

Shift #3: From “I’m the One They Follow” to “We’re Building This Together”

As we talked over our first four months, Michael often said:

“I’m good at sales. I can close the big deals. But I can’t seem to teach it.”

He carried the weight of being the charismatic founder.

The closer.

The one who couldn’t be replaced.

But in that model, his team was always a step behind.

They weren’t co-creators—they were followers.

As he shifted, we explored a new frame:

What if your team doesn’t need another version of you? What if they need a system they can shape with you?

That meant giving them ownership—not just instructions. Letting them try, miss, adapt.

And trusting that leadership is less about being copied—and more about creating capacity.

Shift #4: From Reactive Urgency to Constructive Clarity

Michael had what I call “cash fear.”

It’s not uncommon for founder-CEOs. When cash dips, the old wiring kicks in:

This is mine to fix. Get involved. Hustle harder. Do more.

But that wiring—once a superpower—isn’t built for scale.

So we looked underneath it. Where did the fear come from? How could he trust the system and still lead with intention?

We didn’t eliminate urgency. But we gave it structure.

Michael began naming what was real, and what was reactive. And acting accordingly.

That changed everything.

The Language Shift: From Describing to Creating

One of the most powerful shifts in our work was how Michael began to hear his own language differently.

“I’m trying to get over the hump.”

“I’ve hit a ceiling.”

“We’re in chaos.”

These sound like observations.

But they’re actually creations.

The metaphors we use don’t just describe reality—they shape it.

As Michael started to notice the metaphors he leaned on, he began to choose new ones:

• From “ceiling” → to “threshold”
• From “chaos” → to “friction with purpose”
• From “problem” → to “signal”

That shift in language reflected something deeper:

He wasn’t just reacting to what was happening.

He was taking authorship of it. And choosing to create it differently.

Coaching Isn’t About Tactics. It’s About Transformation.

In four months, Michael didn’t just put better systems in place.

He saw himself differently.

He led differently.

And most importantly—he started designing a company that didn’t need him to hold it together.

That’s the real work.

Not fixing more things.

But letting go of the identity that says you must.

Because as a leader, the most important systems you’ll ever design are the ones inside yourself.

It Started With Two Days

Are you ready to begin this journey for yourself?

Michael and I started with two days together. Two days that created the foundation for profound transformation in his leadership.

For a select group of leaders, I am creating an event in Denver on October 20-21 to do the same.

Would you like to be considered? DM me and I can tell you more.