This week, I’m writing from a place that holds deep memories—visiting my 88-year-old mom in Bettendorf, Iowa, part of the Quad Cities region of Illinois and Iowa where I grew up. Every time I come here, I see more of the patterns from my childhood that shaped much of my adult life—patterns I thought I’d left behind, but that still surface in unexpected ways.

The Roots of Overachievement

I’ve often talked about my drive to overachieve, but I haven’t always shared the deeper reasons behind it. On this trip, I had a moment of clarity about how much of my childhood was spent managing my mom’s anxiety, which in turn became my anxiety. This deep-seated need to manage and control has shaped much of who I am today.

The Weight of Expectations

Growing up, I constantly felt like I wasn’t measuring up to my mom’s expectations. My dad was the epitome of success—class president, homecoming king, high school quarterback—and I was none of those things. Instead, I was a pudgy, sweaty, stressed-out kid, more into in science and Star Wars than sports. Sure, I played baseball and football passably well, and I was likable enough, but I never quite filled the shoes that my mom expected me to fill.

Coping Mechanisms: How I Adapted

To cope, I became really good at other things. I got excellent grades, always made sure to be the teacher’s pet, and figured out how to make authority figures like me by working really hard. This strategy worked well for a while—I excelled academically and professionally by showing up exactly how others wanted me to. But it came at a significant personal cost.

The Unsustainable Pursuit of Perfection

My need to manage my anxiety by being perfect was unsustainable. I had to succeed, but as a child of Midwestern parents, I couldn’t get “too big for my britches.” I had to stand out AND fit in. I needed to be good, but not too good. Successful, but not too successful. It was a psychological nightmare that became increasingly impossible to navigate. The pressure to maintain this delicate balance eventually became too much, turning into panic attacks and a lot of self-medication.

The Turning Point: Realizing the Limits

I had a lot of professional success, and I’m sure others thought I was doing great. But was never truly happy because I was always trying to be what others wanted me to be. If you had asked me at that point what I wanted, I would have had no idea beyond following a path that others had prescribed for me.

I remember driving to work one day, listening to a book on tape (a biography of Harry Truman), and having a profound realization. I was playing an unwinnable game. There would always be someone smarter, harder working, more talented, at whatever I set out to do.

It took me a while to realize what the game actually was. To be wholly myself and to find a place where I could be rewarded for that. I had no idea how to do that—it was the one thing that had never really been allowed in my house. But I was willing to try, and started exploring meditation and other practices as a way to learn. Slowly, I began to see and get comfortable with the real me, rather than the one who was performing for others all the time.

An interesting thing happened when I stopped putting so much pressure on myself. I started enjoying myself. I started connecting with people. I started getting promotions. The more I tried to just be myself, the more success I had. And I found myself wanting to share this with others. By this time I had done years of work on myself, without recognizing that it was actually job training—the job of executive coach.

Breaking Free: A New Approach to Success

When my last job was eliminated in a corporate restructuring in 2016, I decided to go out on my own as a coach. Ironically, the people who looked most like me—corporate types exhausted from showing up as they thought others wanted them to—were completely uninterested in working with me. They just weren’t ready to look there.

But then I coached a founder. And another. And over time I find that there was a very small subset of founders and business owners who understood that when they showed up more authentically, everything changed, both for them and their businesses.

Just as it had for me.

I built a very successful coaching business by knowing both myself and the people who I could help the most. And more and more, just showing up as myself. I understand now that this is all we ever need to do.

Embracing Ease and Balance

Today, I’m more financially successful than ever, working half the hours I used to. I’ve found that the more I step back from work, the more intuitive and effective I become. Life has become an experiment in seeing how little I can work while still achieving more. I’m now coaching incredible founders and companies, and making a significant impact doing so.

Health, Hobbies, and Happiness

I started playing the saxophone, and practice about an hour a day. I’m physically fit, running, lifting weights, and doing yoga regularly. If you had told me a few years ago that I could do all this, I would have guessed I’d have to give up at least half my income. But this balance hasn’t required me to sacrifice anything—instead, it’s created more ease, abundance, and financial security than I ever thought possible. I’m making significantly more than I was at my old corporate job, and having more of an impact than ever.

It’s hard to believe that working less would actually mean MORE money. But over and over again I have seen that this can be true, not only for me but for the people I coach.

Ready for a Change?

If any of this resonates with you, reach out. Let’s explore where you might be getting in your own way and how you can create a life of ease and abundance too. Connect with me on LinkedIn or join my email list. When you’re ready, let’s talk.

And if you’re a founder within 2 to 3 years of an exit, I have a special event for you on September 17. Leave a comment or DM me with “founder” and I will make sure you learn more. We’ll explore, with people who have dozens of exits among them, how to navigate the exit journey while remaining true to yourself along the way.

This week, I want to share some lessons I’ve learned from my 15-year-old son, Lucas, as he created his own vision, of becoming an exchange student in Japan.

These insights are especially fresh to me. As I write this, on Monday, he has just arrived after an almost 48-hour journey complete with an unexpected overnight hotel stay in Canada.

Did I mention he’s 15?

Honoring Your Dream

Lucas had a dream—a dream his mom and I didn’t even know about until he told us in November 2023. I had just gotten back from a coaching event in Santa Monica when he announced that he wanted to become an exchange student and go to Japan. While my wife had been an exchange student in Sweden years ago, this was a surprise to us. But Lucas had done his research. When he approached us, he already had the online application process figured out and had talked to his school counselor about the logic of going at 15 rather than when he was older.

I’m not sure that Lucas even knows exactly why he wanted to go—he will say things that food and the culture and manga and anime, but it seems like it is something deeper that is calling him.

Do you see something like this in you?

Honor that dream. There is something within you that you know you want to do. The question is, are you going to honor that? Are you going to trust yourself enough to pursue it? Even if you don’t exactly know how?

One Step at a Time

Lucas didn’t try to tackle everything at once. He focused on one step at a time. First, he submitted the application. Then, he went through an introductory interview, followed by a more significant interview, and finally, a finalist weekend that we attended with him about 90 minutes away.

In each stage, he focused on what was in front of him without worrying too much about the final outcome. He knew he was drawn to this path, and he trusted the process. By the end of January, he learned that he was accepted as an exchange student, as one of the youngest to apply, and that he had gotten his first choice, Japan.

For founders, this teaches us the importance of focusing on the next step and trusting the process. You may not know exactly where the journey will take you, but if you commit to each step, you’ll move closer to your goal.

Accepting Limitations

Another critical lesson Lucas taught me is the importance of accepting limitations. He realized that he couldn’t become fluent in Japanese in just six months, especially before ever being in the country. However, he didn’t let this deter him. He did what he could and acknowledged that there was much more to learn once he arrived in Japan.

As founders, we need to accept our limitations and work within them while still pushing forward. It’s crucial to understand that some things take time, and we can’t control every aspect of our journey.

Navigating the Unexpected

Lucas’s travel to Japan didn’t go as planned. He missed his connection in Vancouver, had to figure out how to spend the night there, and then ended up flying through Korea instead of directly to Japan. Despite these challenges, he kept moving forward, solving each problem as it arose.

For founders, this is perhaps the most powerful lesson: Expect the unexpected. Things will not always go as you expect, but you will figure it out. Keep in motion, adapt, and find solutions to the challenges that come your way.

The Power of a Supportive Team

This was Lucas’s dream, and of course it required support from his parents. But we worried that when he got to Japan, he would be on his own.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

When Lucas arrived in Japan, after nearly 48 hours of travel, he was greeted by his exchange parents, teachers, and Rotary members—a whole team ready to support him in realizing his dream.

Thanks to a supportive teamLucas is going to have an amazing year. And his team is going to learn from supporting him as well.

As founders, we must recognize that we don’t need to be alone. Employees, customers, and eventually investors, board members, advisors, and even coaches are ready to support you.

Each member of Lucas’s team had supported other kids like him and were ready to bring that support to him. Don’t forget that on your journey. There are experienced people ready to support us in realizing our dreams, and the more we can lean on them, the better our chances for success.

Does This Resonate?

Getting support as early as you can will ease and shorten the journey to having a profitable startup.

If you are closer to exit, though, you may be more interested in an event I am having for founders on September 17—

The Other Side of the Exit: Is There Happiness Beyond the Deal?

I’ve recruited an all star panel with dozens of exits among them to answer all your questions about how to get to and thought the exit not only more successfully, but with more ease and less work in the process.

If you’d like to be in a small virtual event with founders just like you, please DM me and we can set up a time to talk to make the event as valuable for you as possible.

#founder #founders #exit

Have you ever found yourself saying, “I’m living the dream,” but you still don’t feel like you’re “there”?

You’re not alone. Many people, especially high achievers, reach a point where they feel they’ve accomplished everything they set out to do. Yet, despite their success, something feels off. They’ve been successful beyond their wildest dreams, but there is still an itch to do more.

They start to feel guilty for or even greedy for wanting more.

This phenomenon is what Gay Hendricks calls the “Upper Limit Problem.” It’s the idea that there’s a level of success that feels uncomfortable because it challenges our deeply ingrained beliefs about how much happiness or success we’re allowed to have.

The Joy of Creation: Beyond Just Achieving Goals

As humans, we are wired to create. The real joy in life doesn’t come from reaching our goals but from the journey of striving toward them. This is why the satisfaction of hitting a milestone often fades after a short while, leaving us wondering, “What’s next?”

When someone says they’ve “got it all,” it’s worth exploring what that actually means to them. Often, people who make this statement quickly start to feel bored, stale, or even guilty. They wonder what they did wrong and why they’re not as happy as they thought they’d be.

And they wonder if they will ever be fulfilled.

The Founder’s Dilemma: After the Big Exit

This sense of letdown is particularly common among founders who have built and sold companies. They’ve sacrificed so much to achieve their goals, only to find that the big payday doesn’t bring the happiness they expected. In fact, it can be hard to repair some of the damage they did along the way, whether to themselves or their relationships.

They might ask themselves, “What’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t this feel as good as I thought it would?”

The answer is simple: There’s nothing wrong with you. The joy and purpose come from the act of creating, not the achievement itself. It’s crucial to remind yourself of this and to surround yourself with others who understand this journey.

You may find that even after the exit you still have this desire to create.

The good news is that now you get to create from joy rather than need. And much of the joy of being a human comes from that act of creating.

Join the Conversation: Creating Meaning Beyond Success

If this resonates with you, I’ve created an event on September 17th called “The Other Side of the Exit: Is There Happiness Beyond the Deal?”

It’s a virtual 90 minute conversation specifically for founders who are within 2-3 years of an exit, with a panel of people who have dozens of exits among them.

This is a chance to get to know other founders like you, and to ask questions to people who have been through it.

If this sounds like you, I invite you to reach out to me. Let’s have a 15-minute conversation about your expectations for your exit. As a thank you, you’ll get to be in the virtual room live as it happens, with a small group of like-minded individuals—other founders who have been where you are, along with panelists who have experienced dozens of exits.

Together, we can ensure that as founders, we are having the right conversations, setting the right expectations, and creating the right things to find true purpose, meaning, and satisfaction in our journeys.

#founder #founders #exit #meaning #purpose

A founder I’ve been in conversation over the last few months sent me an email last week explaining why we hadn’t been able to talk.

“I am so overwhelmed with work I don’t have time to do anything except work. It’s not a good situation but we are slammed and it’s all hands on deck.”

This isn’t an isolated case. Another founder once shared that he makes around 300 decisions a day, with his team relying on him for everything. Many of the people I work with push themselves to exhaustion, neglect relationships, and even develop health issues.

Does that resonate?

It doesn’t have to be that way.

The Cost of Overwhelm

The first step is acknowledging the cost of this constant state of overwhelm. Founders and leaders often find themselves in a vicious cycle of decision-making and fire-fighting, leaving little room for strategic thinking or personal well-being. This not only affects their health but also impacts the overall performance and growth of their organizations.

Change is Possible

Here are few true stories from my coaching experience.

The Sales Leader

About four years ago, I coached a sales leader responsible for a significant portion of sales in a multi-billion dollar organization. She was working 60-70 hour weeks and felt perpetually overwhelmed. Within a few months, she cut her workload by 20 to 30 hours a week. This reduction in hours allowed her to focus on creating her next career move within the organization.

She created a new function in the organization with her as the leader. She happily sits in that role today.

The Founder

A founder I coached in 2023 was able to step back from daily operations, entrusting his team with these responsibilities. This transition enabled him to focus on strategic growth, eventually leading to his company being acquired. Now, he is focused on being the heir apparent to the CEO role of the combined organization. And he has reunited with his wife in the process.

The Company Owner

One company owner I have been talking with, after struggling for years, today has virtually no day-to-day decision-making duties. His team handles operations, and the business is thriving more than he ever imagined. He has achieved both financial success and personal freedom.

I’m now working with him on what he wants to create next. I asked him how he got where he is today and it came down to one simple belief.

The Key Differences

So, what sets these successful transformations apart from those stuck in the overwhelm?

Every one of them was different. But in every case, the leader was able to let go of things that at first looked mandatory.

It was that letting go that led to massive and easy change.

Let’s Talk

Does this resonate?

I’m doing a research project on founders and their expectations around exits—how they will get there and what they will get from them.

If you are a founder within three years of an anticipated exit, respond “Talk,” to set up an interview.

As thanks I will share the results in a virtual event on September 17, in which I will also moderate a panel of founders and advisors who have had dozens of exits among them.

You will be in a virtual room filled with people just like you, and get a chance to have questions answered by people who have been there.

“Things” Don’t Settle Down. You Do.

You don’t have to be consumed by work 24/7. But most people have a hard time letting go on their own. And the things they try—time management, productivity hacks—just tend to make the problem worse.

There is another way.

When you’re ready, let’s talk.

#exit #founder #founders #overwhelm