I wrote last time about four ways that life can appear to happen.

The first of these is life happening “to you.”

This is the place in which it looks like life is “out there.” Like life is totallly the sum of your circumstances.

This is the space of victimhood. When it looks like life is happening to you, it looks like you have no control. Like you are completely powerless.

Now there are plenty of things that we have no control over. A global pandemic, for example.

But we always have the capacity to choose a response. To choose what we do and who we are in that doing.

So why would we ever think otherwise?

It can be scary to realize we have power. When we choose to see life as happening to us, we are saying that we don’t want control. We get to say “It’s not my fault!” We get to say, “They need to change, not me!”

We then get to sit back, righteously indignant, comfortable with the excuse we have not to do anything.

Victimhood, paradoxically, feels safe. Like staying in a job when you’re not happy. Even though another job might make you happier, it’s risky to move. It’s easier just to blame your boss.

What has happened when you have seen the world happening to you? And what happened when you were able to shift that perspective?

The spiritual teacher Michael Beckwith says that there are four ways that our life can appear to us. I love these distinctions because they parallel lots of technical scholarship on adult development, but they use terms that my clients (and I!) more easily understand.

We all vacillate among each of these four ways, in a given day, even within the span of a few moments.

The four ways are as follows—

Life happens to me.

Life happens by me.

Life happens through me.

Life happens as me.

When we are in “To Me,” life looks like it is out there, determined by our circumstances. We are victims of whatever is happening to us.

When we are in “By Me,” we see that we have options and control. We are no longer victims, and we realize our own power.

When we are in “Through Me,” we begin to connect to something larger than us, such as a greater sense of purpose.

When we have fleeting glimpses of “As Me,” we are in awe and wonder, and realize we are connected to and in everything.

Each of these perspectives has advantages and limits, and I will spend my next few posts writing about them.

Does this resonate with you? How has each one shown up for you, and what have you realized because of it?

When I saw this quote, which turns out to be the title of book, my heart broke.

Because I see so many people stuck. Having a dream, but still playing it safe.

Saying things like, “Once I have this much money,” or “Once the last one gets through college.” Then I will pursue my dream. Then I will figure out what I am really here to do.

But every day you are one day closer to death. Or to not being able to work.

One day closer to leaving your song unsung.

And none of us knows when that day will come. If a worldwide pandemic has not made that clear, I’m not sure what can.

Take one action today toward the pursuit of your dream. Take one step toward getting clarity. Make one phone call. Send one email. Tell one person your secret dream.

Tomorrow, and every day after, repeat, modify, be willing to be surprised.

The universe can be at your beck and call. But you have to tell it what you want first.

And what are we losing out on because of it?

I was having a conversation with a friend here in Colorado whose work has been impacted by COVID 19. He’s been spending a lot of his time simply looking for work. But he got quiet, and I sensed there might be more.

“I’ve had this pipe dream for awhile now,” he said.

I pointed out that we often use the term “pipe dream” as a way for our rational, cautious self to dismiss what our heart really wants.

“Tell me more,” I said.

He proceeded to tell me his perfect plan for a business for his community. A business that would not only bring joy, but that would contribute both during the day and at night.

A business that was not only perfect for his experience, but that I could not imagine anyone else succeeding with.

I pointed out the question that I often ask—

“What have you been preparing for your whole life, without realizing it?”

In that moment, we both choked up a bit. And his idea went from “pipe dream” to mission.

What’s the mission you are afraid to take on? What’s the thing that you are here to bring into the world? And what is the world missing out on because of it?

We need you.