Someone asked me how I work with people last week.

What I said was that the first level of work with someone is often simply to calm them down enough to see the world differently.

Of course, this is work that you can do without a coach.

Meditation, yoga, tai chi, centering. There are many practices that serve to calm the nervous system. To move you from the fight or flight of the sympathetic nervous system to a more productive, calm, centered place.

We often don’t recognize our role in creating the world. But when we are calm enough, a new world emerges. New priorities emerge. Meaning and purpose become real possibilities, rather than things we simply don’t have time to consider.

When we are driven, we think that we are changing things when we are actually just creating more of the same. More hours, more revenue, more profits.

When we quiet down, we become aware of different possibilities, and perhaps a deeper calling.

Sometimes it helps if you a calm, centered, present partner to hold that space.

Let me know if I can do that for you.

And then the deeper work, of creating that new possibility, can begin.

I spent the first 40 years of my life doing everything I was supposed to.

Everything that I thought other people wanted me to do.

Everything that I was told would make me successful.

And happy.

Outside looking in, I got the first part.

But a lot of the time, I wasn’t happy.

Just empty, and exhausted.

I was talking to someone today who feels the same way.

And his wife says, “Just be happy you have a job right now.”

It’s good to be grateful for what you have.

But there’s nothing wrong in wanting more.

Nothing wrong in feeling like you could be giving more to the world than you are now.

To me, that’s the universe asking more of you.

And we need more from you right now. The world needs your special genius.

But first you need to make that declaration, of your purpose, and your genius.

And then you need the integrity and courage to live from that.

I got an email from a CEO who I had a two hour conversation with last week.

He decided not to hire me.

A note like this is part of what I do, but it’s always disappointing.

And I can find myself making excuses, or looking on the bright side, or doing any number of things to distract me from the fact that I feel crummy.

I can slip into a spiral where I question my worth, whether I was good enough to be coaching him in the first place, whether I have the qualifications to be doing what I’m doing.

But I come back to my purpose.

I come back to whether I was clear in how I work. Whether I was clear in the potential I saw in the other person.

Sometimes I feel like I was incredibly clear and I still don’t get the job. While disappointing, I can be satisfied that I did everything I could.

Sometimes, though, I feel like I wasn’t clear. Like I wasn’t truly and unabashedly living from my purpose.

And all I can do in that situation is learn, and be more clear, and more bold, the next time.

The one person you always let down

If you have ever followed Gretchen Rubin, she divides the world into quadrants, based on whether you are able to meet your commitments to other people, and to yourself.

Most high achievers (and many of the people I coach) are what she calls “Obligers.”

These are people who are great at meeting the commitments that they make to others.

And they are horrible at the commitments they make to themselves.

Because of this, they often feel like they have done all the right things but are left empty, exhausted, and even resentful.

Why do I mention this?

Because there is something about finding your #purpose that seems to flip that switch.

When you identify and live from your purpose, suddenly, commitments that used to seem like commitments to yourself are now commitments to others.

Things that used to seem optional are now essential. (And other things seem much less important.)

Suddenly you find yourself getting more done, with more passion, more energy, more fulfillment.

You share your genius. And the world needs all of your genius right now.