I was talking with a CEO client today who was preparing for his next board meeting, and he was stressed. He was getting angry at the slightest provocation.

And together, we identified a program running in the background of his mind.

It goes something like this–

1. If it’s not perfect, they won’t like me.
2. It they don’t like me, they will fire me.
3. If they fire me, my spouse will leave me.
4. If my spouse leaves me, I will die broke and alone.

We’ve been working together long enough that we can see the “DBA” (Die Broke and Alone) program showing up whenever he is under stress.

Just like malware, that program has unauthorized access and leads to bad results.

The first step to getting rid of human malware is to become conscious of it. And while you might not be able to completely delete it, you can prevent it from doing further damage.

When you are under stress, are you conscious of the story your brain is running in the background?

I’m noticing some consistent themes in how my coaching clients are dealing with COVID-19. Challenges that are arising. Patterns—how do we look at our need to be doing all the time, when there can be much less to do? With our need to control when so much seems uncontrollable? COVID-19 has pulled the rug of what seemed to be firm ground out from under us. It has exposed the illusion that we were ever in control.

What is it that has showed up for you? What has been the thing that only COVID-19 could make you see? And what do you intend to do with this gift going forward?

The early work of Werner Erhard has had a big influence on my coaching, and on my own personal development. He had a phrase, “already always,” that can be a wonderful pointer right now.

Many leaders are already always doing. Or already always defending, or fighting, or achieving.

Meaning that everything that occurs for them is filtered through, “What do I do with or about this?” or “How do I defend against this?” The immediate assumption is that whatever is happening is something that requires action, or that it is bad and needs to be defended against.

Because we are “already always” this, it can be very hard to see. It can be hard even to talk about it.

I have a client who is struggling with his “already always” right now. His “already always” is doing, striving, winning. And right now, what is showing up for him is space—less to do, fewer employees to hire, less he can control. Instead of welcoming the rest, the renewal, the insight, that can come from space and rest, his tendency, his wiring, as he would say, is “not to waste this time.” His already always, like yours and mine, serves him, until it doesn’t.

What is your “already always?” How does it serve you? And how does it get in your way?

A client of mine recently shared how that insight changed how he was interacting with his team and his company.

Are there things on your team that are “issues that shall not be named?” Is there a team member whose abrasive style is the elephant in the room?

Because of COVID-19, people feel less safe than ever. They are wondering when they will be able to leave the house, wondering if their job is on the line, wondering if the coughing neighbor they saw on a walk has “it.”

So any topic that feels tough in “normal” times is going to feel especially tough right now.

How can you help your team to feel more safe? How can you come from a more open place?

Smile. Be self-effacing. Slow down. Connect. Do anything you can to help people understand that you care.

Many of us spent the first few days of this crisis making sure our people were physically safe. But they need to feel emotionally safe, too.

It can take some time for people to feel safe, especially if they haven’t before. But persist. Some of the best ideas show up because someone finally feels safe sharing them.

And if you need a safe conversation, reach out to me. You might be surprised what shows up.